Portable Field Induced Crystal Fracturing (PFICF) at work

Special forces teams at the front line have always lived on simple rations. One of the most cumbersome logistics of supplying forces in forward operation zones is dropping in not ammunition but Critical Hot Sauce (CrHoS). To many civilians, the vast amounts of Crystal Sauce used by the armed forces may come as a surprise, but this resource keeps soldiers ready to strike down any threat to the US and the values of the Free West. It is a cheap price to pay for our freedom.

High density critical Crystal Hot Sauce is hard to come by, even in rural Afghanistan. However, with new portable fracking technologies, CARPA has tested an operational method of acquiring Crystal Sauce in barren desert-like theatres of war.

The new Portable Field Induced Crystal Fracturing (PFICF) system  will be able to supply wast supplies of counterinsurgency hot sauce, and is thus informally called “McCrystal”. Crystal extraction is possible from pure cayenne molecules in normal desert sand, or  silica (silicon dioxide, or SiO2), which is usually in the form of quartz in your average dry battlefield. A series of live field tests at Camp CARPA at Joshua Tree produced a high success rate and a 98% purity of in-field produced Crystal Sauce. This sauce has many valuable implementations, including acting as a key component for in-field dyeing of the blood red flag of CARPA special craft forces.

Our team of food scientists has lately also been reverse engineering the chemical signature components of Reese’s and the tests showed no traces of real chocolate. This would make it possible to extract live Reese’s from shallow tar sand. The next camp may hold a major breakthrough for in-field provisions production.

Agent Short demonstrates the huge success for Crystal Fracking at Joshua Tree